Life after Losing Ryan

Life Attacks

My pastor, Debra Brady, is doing a sermon series entitled The Leading Causes of Life. The first sermon was on âconnectionsâ and the importance of being connected to others in life. Last Sundayâs topic was Coherency. She explained how strokes are now being referred to as âbrain attacksâ so the general public has a better idea of what happens when the blood flow to the brai…

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Painful Familiarities

As I write this, itâs Easter Sunday. Our third Easter without Ryan. It seems impossible that life goes on in spite of our gigantic loss and our broken hearts. But it does. Time marches on and waits for no one. Our wounds scab over enough we can continue living, as preposterous as it may seem.

Posted 1 yr. ago.

The Precariousness of Life

Yesterday was a day of trauma for people I care about.Â Two of our friends were involved in serious accidents. One died. The other walked away unscathed but with a totaled vehicle.

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Land mines of the heart

Shortly after Ryan died, my good friend Debra Brady, a pastor who has counseled her fair share of sad people, warned me that it would be the little things that would sneak up on me. She said I would prepare for big things like birthdays and anniversaries but unexpected things would stab me in that most tender of places. She was right. I have learned to call those unexpected stabs âlandmines …

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Feeling Guilty about Feeling Better

After Ryan died, I couldnât imagine I would ever feel joy or happiness again. How could I with a gouge in my heart so deep and wide? I thought the most I could hope for was that I wouldnât always hurt so badly. I certainly didnât think I would ever have fun again â ever. I resigned myself to the fact I would spend the rest of my earthly days getting through them the best I coul…

Posted 1 yr. ago.

A heart for the sufferers

In the first two years after Ryanâs death, I read dozens of books on grief. Books were one of the only places I found a modicum of peace. Somehow reading about othersâ losses helped dilute mine a bit. One of the quotes I read was from Danielle Steele. She said âLosing a child is 9 parts horror and 1 part gift.â I have been searching for the âgift partâ ever since.

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Happy 21st Birthday Ry

21 years ago we were eagerly awaiting the birth of our second child. We didnât know if it was a boy or girl but my gut said it was a girl. The new baby arrived on February 16, 1989 at 5:55 pm and he was a boy. The nurse said âItâs a boy. Does he have a name?â I said âRyan Hunter Dickersonâ. So here we are on the eve of what would be Ryanâs 21st birthday. Anothe…

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Trying to Keep our Lights Shining

People are like stained glass windows; they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within. Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Posted 1 yr. ago.

Time marches on

Last Friday was the 29th. The thirty month anniversary of Ryan's death. 2 1/2 years - truly amazing. There were times I didnât think I would survive the next 2 1/2 hours, much less 2 1/2years. I recall a friend who had lost her only child about 2 Â½ years before Ryanâs death telling me that the first two years were the worst. At that moment, two years felt like eternity. I honestly did…

Posted 2 yrs. ago.

Grief Sisters

My surviving son, Ross, said to me once...Mom, every friend you have in Sacramento is a bereaved mom. That was a pretty accurate statement. I sometimes marvel at all the people now in my life that I would have never known had we not lost Ryan. I have never met many of these friends in person â they are cyber friends â todayâs version of a pen pal, I suppose.