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I've had kids as young as four insist to me that they couldn't use a purple crayon because it's a "girl color." Taken to the next level, along with insults like "you throw like a girl," the take-away message is purple = female = inferior/bad. That's not what I want either of my kids to internalize.

To me, my daughter wanting to dress up as prince is no different than her dressing as a princess: She's dressing up as *a character* so gender isn't the defining characteristic for her. I find that sort of attitude refreshing, actually, because I wouldn't want to called a "lady editor" or "female writer." I think labels that make gender prominent diminish us as skilled people.

These ideas color my household's language, too: "mail carrier" as opposed to "mail man," to define the job instead of labeling the gender.  The bottom line for me is that our words matter, and the costume of the moment doesn't. I'd be much more worried about a seven-year-old wanting to dress up as the grim reaper (I saw more than a few Halloween night, all about the size of my eight-year-old) than choosing to be a character from the coolest movie series in geekdom. ;) 

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Emily, whose son spent many a day wearing playsilks and dress-up clothes with his sister, as well as "nursing" his dolls and stuffed animals, yet has no confusion on his gender identity. 

http://thehive.modbee.com/?q=everydaygeekery

http://www.modmomsclub.com/growingupgeek

Eunice Grace Mendoza-Moncur

My take to this is:  it's better for children to explore now than later in life.  That's what early childhood is all about--exploring in the pretend world.  This experience will be a boost for her self confidence and self-esteem.  This is a thought I have shared with a concerned mom in my daycare when her 2 year old daughter wants to be Batman instead of having a "girly" costume.  Darth Vadar is OK and way to go mom for allowing her of what she wants to be!

I confess.  I'm guilty of costume sexism.  I'm a college graduate, I want my daughter and my granddaughters to go as far as they want to go.  So why do I expect princess, Minnie, Snow White for a costume? 

When I asked 3 weeks ago what 2-yr Rozalynn was going to be for Halloween, her mommy told me she would be a ladybug.  "Cute" I thought.  I've seen under-5 girl ladybugs before - they're girly and cute and wear red and black.

So I was really surprised when she showed up yesterday as a PIRATE!  She was girly and cute and wearing red and black.  The little pirate with dimples wore a red and black lace dress; only the lace did not have a floral design, it had skulls and cross bones and she was the frilliest pirate I have ever seen!

I told my husband afterwards that it was a good thing I was thinking she was going to be a ladybug, my closed mind would have been bothered a full two weeks had I envisioned a 2 yr old girl wearing a pirate costume.  

 No good reason for it.  Logic tells me it is just something on the outside.  Emotion tells me I'm lying to myself.  I have an expectation that if you're a girl under 10 you "should" wear a feminine costume.  The sole reason for that is because that is what I wore and I had never questioned it until this Halloween. 

I'm glad Abby chose to be Darth Vader.  I'm glad you told her that was okay.  I'm glad you've brought up the subject.  I'm sure there will be other moms and dads reading this, other grandparents and little girls that perhaps for the first time will realize they don't have to be a princess, Minnie or Snow White.

More power to all our little girls!