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1. Nicholas has developed an occasional habit of not chewing his food well enough, then gagging and upchucking.

2. Our dining room table is set up directly across from the big window that faces the street.

These two facts converged on me in a most unfortuante way the other night. I let Nicholas finish his dinner while sitting on my lap. Sure enough, he went too fast and the next thing I knew we had a geyser. We were both covered. I sat there for a second, looking around with the vague hope that Superman really does exist and was going to come in and help me.

When that didn't happen, I realized I had two choices, both unpleasant: Stand up and get mess all over the carpet. Or carefully remove both our shirts and wad them up, then go to the bathroom for cleanup work. No doubt to the chagrin of my neighbors, I selected option B.

And it all worked out well enough. Nicholas and I showered up, the police didn't show up on an indecent exposure call, and all it cost me was a little tiny bit more of my dignity. And - most importantly - the carpet remained unscathed.