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The first part of this was written just two months ago. I sat on it
because we did not realize the eventual outcome until just the other
day. But then again, maybe we won’t know the eventual outcome some more
time to come…

The time came this week in March for Daniel’s Spring
teacher’s conference and for his semi-annual IEP meeting with all the
members of his team at school. All in all, it was good, it was bad,
frustrating, sometimes redundant, a little disappointing and somewhat
vindicating. Oh, and it was long…too long for Hazel, who I was
babysitting that afternoon, and too long for the star of the show,
Daniel, who begged me to let him join Jodie and Hazel out on the
playground. I think he was a little embarrassed with all the
We-love-Daniel-because-he-is-amazing talk from the nine adults in the
meeting.

The gist of the IEP/progress report is that Daniel is making great
strides and meeting, as well as exceeding, a number of his original
goals for this year in Math, Speech, Socialization, Adaptive PE. But he
still struggles especially in Writing, Reading and in areas of Adaptive
PE that involve lower body strength. Frankly, we were not
surprised…well, okay, we were surprised with some of the things he
seems to do quite well for his teachers but struggles with
accomplishing under our direction. But then again, we are just Mom and
Dad…it’s not like we are Mr. J or Mrs. L. People! Please! Everyone
knows Mr. J and Mrs. L are a lot more fun to do school work with.
Perhaps we weren’t really that surprised after all.

The biggest concern is his struggles in Reading. He just isn’t
getting it. In fact his Reading scores have slipped drastically over
the year. Unfortunately, the jump from first to second grade (even
special ed second grade) is a ratrher substantial leap in Reading and
Writing. At the meeting it was clear that Daniel will get left behind
in the big leap. The principal paused dramatically before she
delicately asks us how would we feel about the possibility of retention.

I look at Bill. He looks at me. We both look at the principal then I
respond, “Before I answer that, I would like it to on the record of
this meeting that I told you so. Not necessarily all of you, but his
first IEP team that the school district assigned to him…I told you so!”
Both the principal and the school psychologist take a defensive posture
as they almost simultaneously ask what. Back when Daniel turned the
magic age of three and aged out of the state’s Early Start Intervention
Program and became the school district’s problem, er, client, I asked
if we could consider waiting until he was 6 turning 7 rather than 5
turning 6 to start kindergarten citing his then many medical, physical
and mental challenges. The then school psychologist reined me in
suggesting we wait until he is closer to kindergarten enrollment age
top consider that question. That seemed fair enough so I waited until
the IEP meeting before I was to formally enroll him in kindergarten.
Then the psychologist flat out said I could not do that….whoaaa…wait….I
always understood one can wait until their child is the age of 7 before
enrolling them in school (public, private or home). Somehow the
psychologist convinced me that I could not and I bought it. I plead
that I am still new to this whole special ed process as my only excuse
for not pushing the issue. But as it ended up, Daniel had an amazing
kindergarten experience with an even more amazing teacher who followed
him into first grade.

But back to this IEP meeting… both the princi[pal and current school
psychologist that delaying the start of Daniel’s formal education was
always an option for me and they are not certain why I was told
differently. Oh well. What’s done is done. He certainly did not suffer
for it. Still we must address the fact if it would be to his benefit to
have him repeat the first grade. I can tell you my answert. I can tell
you Bill’s answer. I even can tell you Daniel’s answer since he has
declared that he wants to be in Mrs. L’s class always! But for now the
discussion is tabled until closer to the end of the school year. New
strategies are discussed and planned to continue to help little man in
his slow and steady progress with the hopes that he will move faster
and (magically) be at the same level as his end-of-the-year first grade
peers and we schedule another IEP meeting in May, closer to the end of
the school year, where we will decide.

And the meeting came this last Thursday. The days and weeks leading
up to this follow-up meeting we saw progress that made us certain that
“of course he is ready….second grade here he comes!!! Then there were
the moments where one of us or both of us would find ourselves wringing
our hands worrying that they will make him move on to second grade when
he is clearly not ready
and…oh-my-god-he-will-be-lost-forever-and-he’ll-never-catch-up-and-how-can-we-make-them
see-that he-just-is-not-ready!!!! Daniel has taught us that he is the
one running this and we have learned to accept his timetable as he
progresses…always progresses…forward. Could his team of special ed
teachers, mainstream teachers, administration, psychologists, speech
ed, adaptive physical ed and all the other talking education educator
heads ever come to accept this?

We sat down at the conference table with our son’s team and went
through the motions of reviewing our rights, introducing ourselves and
our connection to Daniel and then jumped right into reviewing his short
term IEP for the end of the school year as well as the proposed IEP for
the start of the 2009-2010 school year. Daniel is still beguiling us
all with his charm, his witty ways, his spirit and those amazing eyes.
We all agree that we are all his biggest fans. We review and are all
pleased to see that he is making progress…he always progresses, never
regresses…but we all agree that his time line isn’t exactly in line
with the mainstream first to second grade time line.

He’s not ready for second grade.

That BIG SIGH OF RELIEF you hear is me relaxing.

They get it!!!! They are going to give him the time that he needs.

I should be disappointed that he is no longer a part of the illustrious Class of 2020
and I admit that yes I am a little. What a freaking amazing thing it
would be for a former 24 weeker, 1 pound miracle baby who shouldn’t
even be here to graduate from high school with his peers who were born
the same year that he was. All us NICU-type professionals could pat
ourselves on the backs, give high fives, bump fists and throw out our
NICU gang signs in celebration over that achievement because we would
imagine that we had something to do with that amazing success. But both
as his mama and as the NICU type professional I understand and accept
his past, present and future successes as his alone. He learned how to
walk when he was ready, he ate food by mouth rather than a feeding tube
when he was ready, he pooped in the potty when the time was right for
him…he’ll get past the early reader stage, ride that damn two-wheeler
and every other milestone in his life when he is ready. The boy is
running this. I’m just the mama supporting, encouraging, helping,
teaching, following him all along the way.

Goodbye Class of 2020….hello 2021 I’d like you to meet one of your
newest members. His name is Daniel and he is absolutely, freakin’,
amazingly awesome!