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My surviving son, Ross, said to me once...Mom, every friend you have in Sacramento is a bereaved mom. That was a pretty accurate statement. I sometimes marvel at all the people now in my life that I would have never known had we not lost Ryan. I have never met many of these friends in person – they are cyber friends – today’s version of a pen pal, I suppose. There is Tammy in North Carolina whose 16 year old Brian died in a car wreck 11 months after Ryan died; Angie in Pennsylvania whose 19 year old David died in a car wreck 3 months after Ryan; Gayle in North Carolina whose 17 year old Micah developed a blood clotting disorder and died 6 weeks later on Thanksgiving day of 07; Donna in South Carolina who lost her only child, John Daniel, last June in a car wreck; Becca in Wisconsin who lost her 15 year old Michael to leukemia in September after our loss. Then there’s my Sacramento contingent. Debra who has been a wise and experienced grief friend to me, having lost her 17 year old Matt in a car wreck 4 ½ years before we lost Ryan; Robin, a district attorney in Sacramento who lost her 19 year old Kelsie in March after we lost Ryan; Mary Jane in Carmichael who lost 13 year old Jenny, her only child, to a brain tumor in March ’08; Cherita whose Michael died of cancer in October of 07; Colleen who lost twin babies – Luke and Megan- to a rare genetic disorder in August and October after Ryan died; Lori who lost her 19 year old Michael to an undetected heart condition in June of 09 and then her home burned to the ground in a wildfire on August 30 of the same year. In Modesto, my grief sisters are Louise, Lisa, Alice, Coleen, Marie, Patti, Nancy, Marcia. Some lost their children as recently as last September. Others have been a part of this miserable club for decades. Last Wednesday I was the guest speaker at a Soroptimist Club in Modesto. In the group of approximately 30 women, including myself, there were 3 bereaved moms. 10%! Then I got back to work and saw a friend who lost her son 30 years ago. She said “Come here. I want you to meet someone. She’s one of us.” Then she introduced me to a lovely woman visiting from Indiana who lost a grown daughter and two grandchildren in a house fire last May. Considering the magnitude of her loss, I pondered once again….how do you multiply infinity times 3? And as I write this tonight, I remember it is the one year anniversary of the death of 10 month old Brody who choked to death on a little piece of hot dog. His mom was a childhood friend of Ross’. I have often wondered how that young couple – just 23 years old when they lost their baby in such a traumatic way – has coped with the crushing grief. I spent time over the past two days corresponding with a former colleague in South Carolina whose 17 year old son’s best friend was accidentally shot & killed a week ago Friday by a friend as they target practiced. I did my best to offer good advice on how to support the boy’s mom. I try to explain there isn’t much you can do except walk beside her but walking beside her is important. She will be in hell for a very long time. My friends often ask me why I spend so much time in community with all these sad women. They say “Doesn’t it bring you down?” It’s hard to explain but no, it doesn’t. It somehow helps me to know I’m not alone in this. There is healing and solace in walking arm and arm with others who share a similar pain. We prop each other up; we share tears; we offer hope, as well as poems, articles & recommendations for books; we understand in a way others don’t. I am grateful for my grief sisters.