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Last night we hosted the third Annual Remembering Ryan Reunion. About 75 of Ryan’s friends drove to our home in Sacramento for a holiday party. I am touched they still care enough – about Ryan and about us – to give of their time and gas money to come 80 miles to see us.

I had the idea for a Remembering Ryan Reunion shortly after his death. I wasn’t sure how the kids would respond to it. I worried they might find it creepy or morbid but they didn’t. When I mentioned it to a few of them, they encouraged me to follow through with the idea.

While raising our kids, our home had been full of kids from every school in town with every color of skin and from every socio-economic background. Both our boys had a large and diverse group of friends and we had tried to make our home welcoming to them all. As a result we knew and loved lots of our boys’ friends. So when we lost Ryan, I feared we would lose contact with those dozens of kids to whom we had grown so close during our 7 years in Modesto.

I was also obsessed with making sure Ryan wasn’t forgotten. So in 2007 we hosted the first Remembering Ryan Reunion on the Saturday before Christmas. 80+ kids showed up and it was a loud, joyful night. Ryan would have loved it and would have been in the big middle of the fun. I could almost feel him in the room. As Ron and I were cooking and baking and getting ready for this year’s party, I said to Ron …”How on earth did we do this in 2007?” We were so fragile and in such terrible shape. I’m not sure how we harnessed enough energy and organizational skill to host a party but we did. And we did it again in 2008 when we weren’t much stronger.

It’s a bittersweet event for us. I love seeing the kids and hearing about their adventures and college experiences. I love that they still care about us and show their love with their presence. I love having their youthful energy in our home. But it also makes me sad – sad that our sweet boy isn’t among the throng; sad that he hasn’t been to Italy or Argentina or Ireland or Australia or Peru on a study abroad trip; said that he hasn’t done an internship in Washington DC; sad he has no tales of brutal finals; sad that they are growing up without him. It doesn’t seem right. Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real.

This morning as I was cleaning up the remnants of the mess, I found a card left by one of his friends. It made me sob when I read it but I loved that he wrote it. Chad said “No matter how many years go by, or where this life may take me, I will never forget Ryan. His life’s example and positive attitude has significantly shaped who I am today. He will always have a permanent place in my heart & memory.”