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I can’t believe I am writing again about my own memorial.
Honestly, I don’t dwell on the end of my life and what happens
thereafter that often. I really don’t.  I have too much juggling to do
to pause long enough and think about it. But here I go again.

Earlier this week, Holly and I attended a memorial for a pretty
remarkable woman. Her life was led quietly and simply reflecting
patience and kindness to everyone around her. In all the years I knew
her I don’t think I ever saw her frown. She had the most beautiful, shy
smile and every time I saw her, there it was. As her children and those
who knew her best got up to share her life there was a recurring theme…

• She never complained
• She never hesitated to lend a helping hand.
• She never spoke an unkind word against anyone.
• She always put others, her husband, her children, everyone before herself.

It was all true. Like I said, she was a remarkable woman. But as I
was listening to her life being eulogized, I found myself briefly
wondering if those close to me could say the same about me.

Um, no.

I do complain. Today, while suffering through a raging sinus
infection, I complained a lot. I’m not the first person the PTA or the
Children’s ministries would call to serve. I’m usually at the bottom of
the list because sometimes I say no. I could defend myself pointing out
how busy I am raising all of these clowns and juggling my career, but
you know, others are just as busy as I am. I am known for my occasional
snarky rants. I guess that goes hand in hand with my whiny complaining.
I do value, above anything else here on Earth, my family.  I talk about
them all the time. My greatest accomplishments in life is my family so
I can’t help but share their adventures and exploits proudly. I
treasure them. But I also selfishly carve out “me” time. Taking
comparative inventory, I thought to myself that no one could truthfully
say those things about me. Sharing that the other night, I asked that
no one better say such things about me lest they be struck down by God
himself. But before I could sink myself into the muck of self-pity and
self-loathing, two friends sent me the same message.

You never know how little positive actions on your part, will impact those who observe silently around you.

Now how did I get so lucky to have such wise friends? They both are
right. As flawed as I know that I am as a wife, a mother, a human
being, I do know that I do try to treat those around me as I would want
to be treated…try being the operative word here.

I do try.

I do.

Try.

And lest I doubt that my own children would struggle to find
something nice to say about me after I am gone, Holly thanked me during
our long drive back home from the Bay Area. She thanked me for giving a
normal family life to her and her siblings…a fairly normal,
dysfunctional family life, but a fairly normal, functionally
dysfunctional family life.

Originally posted on Adventures in Juggling,
my blog about my life here under my own personal Big Top where I juggle
a busy life with 5 kids at all ages and stages, a husband, a career as
a NICU RN, spoiling my amazing grandbaby girl and training for my first
half marathon.