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My family stops at 2
My whole life I knew I wanted to be a mom. I would dress up baby dolls and play house like it was going out of style. It was just something that I knew I would do.
And then I met Doug. And that instinct went into overdrive. Right away, I began to imagine having children with him. Who would they look like? Who would they be like? Would they have his athletic ability? Would they have my short fuse?
Abby came along and then with little to no discussion Maddie came along 18 months later. I wanted one more. Doug didn't. We spent lots of nights talking about it. I'm from a family of three. It was a natural thing to me. Doug, from a family of two. "Two is enough", he'd say. "We can't even handle what we've got."
Sad but true. He was right. Our hands were full with two growing girls, two careers, and hobbies each of us loved. Logically, a third would throw a monkey wrench into all of that. We'd have to get a bigger car, a bigger house. How could we pay daycare for three kids? Two was bad enough.
So for all those reasons, Doug joined the ranks of many men before him. He got a vasectomy. And while he had to deal with the physical pain of that, I was left to deal with the emotional part; the reality that I would never again be pregnant or hold a tiny life in my arms that I had pushed out of my body.
As we got ready to leave for the doctor. Doug held me as I cried. It all felt so final. This was it. No more babies for us. It was a big step for us and a decision we didn't take lightly. Sure I made lots of jokes about it but there was always a twinge of sadness behind it.
So our family stops at 2. And although I'm still a tiny bit sad, I know in my heart, 2 really is all I can handle.
Comments
What a moving post, Melissa...and one I can identify with for slightly different reasons. I too, always wanted to be a mom. Long story short, getting pregnant was nowhere near as easy as I'd just ASSUMED it would be. I had endometriosis, and bad. The inability to conceive was a MAJOR reason for my previous marriage failing.
When I finally had my daughter with my current husband, I toyed with the idea of having more as well. My husband, who already had three older kids, was adamant he didn't want more. I was truly grateful to have my one miracle baby, and love my three stepkids, so the topic of "more" was something I felt guilty for pondering.
Before my daughter was even 9 months old, however, the endometriosis was back with a vengeance, and spreading to many of my other abdominal organs. Ultimately, I had a total hysterectomy, literally ending the idea of future kids with a finality many people can't understand--you can't reverse that!
Now it's been 9 years since my surgery and I'm still ok! I've realized the blessings you're given can't be counted with numbers, only quantified by the magnitude of your recognition of those very moments as they happen, and by the memories they create. Cherish every moment whether it be with one child or ten, and you'll always have more than enough :-)