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If you are actively seeking help for your issues, take up your concerns with your frases de aniversario

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You can not control how your child responds to your discipline, you can only control how you respond to your child.  If you are confident in your discipline methods (clearly communicated boundaries and associated consequences for crossing them, both the boundaries and the consequences are respectful and reasonable) then maybe you should discuss your concerns with your child's physician.  If you are struggling with emotional issues (and your child shares your genes) your child may be struggling as well (which I say having had that experience with my older child).  If you are not confident in your discipline methods then that may be the place to start, or do both.  It may also be that your older child is going through a jealous phase (of the younger sibling) and may be acting out for attention (negative attention is still attention).  If you are actively seeking help for your issues, take up your concerns with your physician/counselor.  You should be able to get some good recommendations for local resources.  At a minimum, try to get out and socialize with moms who have kids in a similar age group - 3.5 is a tough age and other moms can be a great resource for parenting help (books, websites, techniques, children with similar personalities, etc.) and also as a sanity/reality check (sometimes our expectations are unreasonable, sometimes there is a temporary issue or phase, and sometimes there is something more serious going on - having people in similar circumstances to interact with can really help). Also observing how your child interacts with other may give you additional insight onto what is going on.  We all struggle with feelings of helplessness and frustration with our kids - you aren't alone.  

Beth Roland, Stroller Strides Modesto

I know how hard it can be to provide the right kind of disipline with any child. i may only have my lil 4 year old, and my hubbys 6 year old, but i have been working with children for quite some time. i worked with a company called cvtc it dealt with children with disibilities in their homes.  i went to the behavior management classes and needed to be able to help the children i cared for to live like everyone else. some children had extreme behaviors, like biting and hitting to tantrums in stores and many other seemingly out of control habits. one thing you have to remember is a child is not going to respond to inconsistancy. yelling helps no one. they wont hear you anyway. and both parents have to be on the same team. you and your hubby can sit down together and decide what behavors are not ok to have in your home and how each behavior will be delt with. for instance, your 3 1/2 leaves the house with out permission... right? well the rule of "not leaving the house without a parent/grownup" could be enforced and the way you can start that is by sitting down with him and explaining it to him, followed by a high mounted slide lock on the doors leading out of the house. it is too dangerous out there for you to trust he will wait for permission, but if you remember to slide it over each time, he will get into the habit of understanding that you and your hubby have rules. if you want to start with one rule at a time, you can, but most kids respond better to a list. one he can see, and refer to. so he can know just what he can and cant do with pictures so he understands since he cant read yet. he does know what "no hitting" means though but when he sees the rule it is more concrete. and the consequence has to be followed through with each time he breaks the rule. i get so far he thinks you two arent serious with his "time outs" and the other things you have tried. but you have to keep at it, he will be happier in the long run and so will you and your hubby. dont forget to tell him when he is doing a good job too. thats one thing that sometimes takes a lot of effort for us caregivers, remember to praise when they are doing good, otherwise our kids that crave our attention anyway, will just create negative actions to recieve the attention, there is a whole bunch more to this... if you have more questions just ask

I'm a yeller too. I feel bad and try not to, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that it just happens. My DD is "spirited" too and acts out a lot when she doesn't get enough of my attention or isn't kept busy. She gets bored easily and that is usually when she gets into trouble. My only suggestion is to give him more time with you (I know its hard with your toddler around but nap time is golden around here) and find activities to keep him occupied. Let him run it out, outside or at the park. it does help a lot. Best of luck!

Shannon

Mommy of Marin (7), Jayden (3), Ryann (16 mo) and baby boy on his way!!