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Before I even
gave birth over 23 years ago to my first amazing child, I was an expert
parent. I knew it. I just knew it. All I had to do was look around me
at other parents and see exactly what not to do.

There. See?

I was an expert. I was a vocal expert too. Who could blame me? I had
to share my wisdom with everyone. Who knew, it just might open the eyes
of all the parents around me. It’s a wonder no one took me down. I
guess the fact that I was pregnant saved me from that well-deserved
fate. Still undeterred by the warnings of “just wait until your baby is
born” I made sure everyone knew the things that I would never do as a
mom…an expert mom.

Then my beautiful Holly Austa was born. I swear she was less than
one day old when I realized that I had no clue what I had gotten myself
into. But somehow we survived the first three days and then, oh gawd,
we were discharged home. I can’t believe they let me take her home! But
somehow we survived and muddled through those crazy six weeks of baby
boot camp that is the newborn period. Holly was thriving and I had not
completely lost my sanity.

But soon that sweet little newborn who only ate and slept and ate
and slept and ate and cried and pooped and ate and cried and didn’t
sleep and ate and cried and, did I mention she didn’t sleep?…I did,
didn’t I? Well soon enough she became a very active, entertain me mommy
infant and I soon discovered that not only was my body STILL not mine
and I STILL was sleep deprived but I STILL could not get anything
accomplished on a day to day basis.

This was not what I signed on for!

I didn’t get much help from the veteran parents in my life either.
Probably because I was such an obnoxious parenting expert before I
became a parent. So I was forced to muddle through on my own. I was on
my own figuring out how to carve out 10, 15, 20 minutes just to get
dressed or take a shower or make dinner without a baby attached to me
if she refused to nap when I needed her to. It was then the heavens
opened up, shown down upon me and revealed…

Holly seated in her infant seat with Sesame Street on gave me 10, 15, 20 minutes.

:::cue the heavenly angelic choir::::

Yes, I did say before Holly was born that I would never use
television to entertain/babysit my child. Other parents may do that in
my view but nooo, not me, the expert parent. I will never do that. I
did say that…before Holly was born.

But there she was, sweet baby Holly seated in her infant seat
playfully babbling and laughing at Big Bird, Snuffleupagus, Bert and
Ernie and me? I was putting on makeup or curling my hair or preparing a
delicious dinner. How awesome was that?

Yes, I used Sesame Street to babysit my kid just like I said I would never do.

Never say never.

I survived. I actually grew and became a pretty good mother, or at
least a mother who is still working hard at becoming a pretty good
mother. Holly survived and thrived and grew up into the most amazing,
bright, creative, articulate young woman. Thank goodness.

Then came the day when Holly became a parenting expert. A very
pregnant, parenting expert. As she planned and shopped for her baby’s
layette she made it explicitly clear that she did not want any licensed
characters on her baby’s clothes, her baby gear, her toys. No Sesame
Street, no Dora the Explorer, no Disney Princesses, no Hello Kitty. She
did not want to see her child being played by commercialism so Hello
Kitty was O-U-T.

Yup!
Hello Kitty WAS out. So were Sesame Street and Dora and those Disney
Princesses. They WERE definitely out. Then Holly gave birth to Hazel
and Hazel, well, Hazel discovered Abby Cadaby and Dora and Ariel AND
Hello Kitty. Hazel knows what she likes. Hazel isn’t afraid to
articulate it in her best 19 month old way. Hazel’s mommy discovered
that it’s fun learning and exploring and playing a little bit with
Hazel with her favorite characters in toys, in books, with music, with
dvd’s and even with her apparel. Just like her mommy years before, she
learned it’s moderation, baby, it’s moderation.

Never say never, especially when you are about to become a parent.

I can’t wait for the day to come when Hazel is a parenting expert