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We wrestled with how and where to spend the anniversary date of Ryan’s death. Several of Ryan’s friends offered to spend the day with us at our house and we were appreciative of those kind offers. I didn’t think I could stand to spend the day at home and re-live that day in the same environment. I also knew I would be useless at work. I asked for the day off and my boss, who had been incredibly supportive and kind through the entire ordeal, insisted I take the full week off.

In the end, our friends Eric and Susan offered their Kirkwood cabin to us and it proved to be the right place to suffer through the day. It was quiet and peaceful. There was no television or computer or even cell phone service. We took long hikes, read and rested. I took the big bin of sympathy cards along and re-read hundreds that we had received the year before. I found I didn’t remember reading most of them the first time around. I was such a mess those first months that nothing really registered in my brain. I found the cards comforting a year later. I cried buckets as I sat and read them for the second time. If you ever wonder whether sending a sympathy card makes much of a difference, know it does. More than you realize.

Our great friends, Steve & Debra, drove from Modesto to Kirkwood and spent the day with us. They brought a beautiful leather bound copy of East of Eden, Ryan’s favorite book and made a $365 donation to the Ryan’s Reading Tree fund in his memory – a dollar for every day we had been without him. Such lovely gestures.

The 29th turned out to be less hard than the days leading up to it. I have since learned the anticipation of the dreaded days is often harder than the day itself.

We returned home to find emails, cards and phone messages from many friends who remembered the anniversary of the day our world shattered. We were grateful for each one. It truly made a difference knowing others cared and remembered.

And then we began the second year of our loss. Against all odds, we had survived the first year. Our boy had been dead an entire year. It seemed unbelievable.