blogs

 I recently had dinner with my new friends from group therapy.  We are always glad to see one another and catch up with what has happened since we last met.  I guess we will be seeing even more of each other, we all signed up for another session of group therapy that starts next week.  We have decided to go to one or two sessions to see if we want to continue.  We are happy just meeting and talking over dinner with no other “outsiders”, we relate with each other so much and sometimes other people are not on the same page that we are.

Last night we had dinner with friends.  Earlier in the day I had called my sister Marlene to see if she and Gary were going to be at her “Favorite Restaurant” to join us.  She said that they couldn’t make it; we decided to go anyway to have dinner with Dean and Katie.  We got to the restaurant and I am telling the waitress that my sister couldn’t make it for dinner so she would have to settle for the “younger” sister.  The waitress said, I thought you were the “older” sister, when she said that I knew something was up; the waitress was looking over her shoulder at my sister who was peaking her head over this wall watching the whole thing.  We got a good laugh out of it and I told the waitress that she just lost her tip!

I had a rough night last night.  I woke up at 3:00 am and Dustin was really weighing heavy on my mind.  I tossed and turned and finally got up at 4:30 am.  Of all mornings, the paper was late.  At least I got my house cleaning done early.  I couldn’t even get online or watch TV, our internet and cable was out for several hours this morning.

I guess I am having a pity party this week.  I am feeling down.  I don’t know if it is because this is a holiday weekend, another holiday and another day without Dustin.  It may just be me, but it seems that everyone else has moved on with their life.  I know that life can’t stop for those who are left behind but I will never be able to move on.  I see people that Dustin was involved with, they now have a boyfriend or they are engaged, some friends seldom mention his name.  I wish that didn’t bother me but it does.  The phone doesn’t ring with how are you doing.  I guess everyone thinks that I should be doing well.  I put on my happy face but I am not happy on the inside.  I guess my biggest fear is that Dustin will be forgotten by others.