blogs

I love, love, love watching the Biggest Loser!
I just can't get enough of Bob and Jillian and the drama of the
contestants' personal transformation both inside and out. Last week one
contestant's revelation struck home with me. Sam,
from Rohnert Park, shared the joy he felt after a telephone
conversation he had with his father where his father told him how proud
he was of him. What parent wouldn't be proud of their child, no matter
the age, when they are doing something that is good for them? But Sam
tearfully shared that this was the first time in his 24 year life where
his father actually uttered those words.

Can you imagine waiting that long to hear that from your parent? 

I can.

I
can't explain why but although I was the ultimate over-achiever as a
chiuld and worked even harder to be a good girl, my parents never said
out loud to me that they were proud of me. I knew after I moved out and
headed my own way to California that they were, indeed, very proud of
me. Apparently they told my siblings that all the time. But they never
told me. Then one day, thirteen years ago, fifteen years after I moved
away from home, I heard it. Mommy~Dearest came to town to admire her
6th grandbaby, my #4 child. It was a big deal because it was the first
time she got herself on a plane and traveled across the country to
visit after the birth of one of my children. She came with the idea
that she was going to help. Mom actually came for a nice little
vacation with the hopes of resting, relaxing and being shown a good
time. It's a good thing that this was my 4th baby because by then I was
pretty good at juggling. 

My family and I showed Mommy~Dearest a
good time, taking her to favorite places in the Bay Area and
entertaining her with her delightful grand daughters. Of course they
were delightful! They were my girls! I trained them well. I brought my
mom to my workplace. It was a quiet Sunday evening in pre-HIPAA days
when I took mom on a private tour of the NICU where I worked. I
introduced her to the charge nurse, the on-duty neonatologist and nurse
practitioner. I showed her some of the state of the art equipment that
I worked with while caring for my patients. Mom was amazed. She had my
younger brother 6 weeks early back in the day when it was a miracle for
even a 34 weeker to survive so it was amazing for her to see how
different life in the NICU was. Looking at a baby born 10 weeks earlier
than that took her breath away.

"You can take care of babies that small?", she squeaked.

"Yes, yes we can, Mom. All the time."

Mom
stared at the tiny little one pound baby nested in the isolette for a
very long time before she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and
said out loud to me for the very first time, "I am so proud of you!"

Honestly,
I didn't know what to say. Finally I stammered a very weak thank you.
Oh, and I started to cry a little too. I can't begin to express how
much that meant to me. Deep in my heart, then and now, I know that I am
the person my mom and dad can be proud of in every way because of and
in spite of them. It meant so much to finally hear it out loud from
her. 

I totally got what Sam meant when he tearfully expressed
what it meant to him to hear that his father was proud of him. It's
that big of a deal.

It's something that should be expressed out
loud and often to our children. I try to convey my sense of pride in my
own children as often as I can. I would rather not wait for them to be
an adult to know how I feel about the people that they are and are
becoming.

I am proud of my daughter Holly because although she
was the angry teenager from hell, she has become an amazing, talented,
creative, young woman and mother, taking responsibility for her life
and the life of her child. 
I am proud of my daughter Zoë, just on
the cusp of adulthood. Just recently she received an acceptance letter
the university that was her first choice...and her second choice...and
her third choice. Wherever this next great adventure takes her, I have
no doubt that she will make it a lively, fun one. She wants to be a
writer someday. Her writing already amazes me.
I am proud of my
daughter Abigael. She is so different from me and I have to confess
that sometimes I just don't get her. She is self-assured and confident,
comfortable in her own skin. She is not afraid to diverge from the
well-worn path and the easy way even if it is the popular way to go.
I
am proud of my daughter Jodie. Since she was a small child, she has
been a driven, self-disciplined person who does exactly what she
declares that she will do. She declared that she would get straight As
back in first grade and she continues to do so even now as her 8th
grade year is winding down. I can't help but get excited for the rest
of her big life plan that she has shared with me. 
I am proud of
my son Daniel. In spite of so many obstacles he continues to hop over,
crawl under and walk around them one by one. His kindness and charm
inspires me to work even harder to be a kinder person.

This (and
more) is what I am proud of my children for now. I tell them these
things out loud and often. At times they get a little complacent and
even annoyed with my parental pride but I know they like to hear it. I
also know as they continue on into their own adult lives, they will
have the seeds of their parents' pride already sown deep in their
hearts.