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Power Struggles
In my continuing quest to not screw up my kids too bad, I attended another Love & Logic parenting class at Maddie's preschool
We spent the evening talking about power struggles. I've been involved in several as of late, the biggest being food. Although, I'm trying to be better about this since reading Emily's blog.
I doubt I am the first to admist this but power struggles with my kids absolutely suck the life out of me.
Love & Logic suggests that giving children small choices with outcomes you are OK with, help give the parent real control and give the kids perceived control. And the best part is there is not a power struggle.
Whenever we are at the playground and I announce it is time to leave, everyone's heads explode. Love & Logic would suggest that I say something like, "Do you want to leave now or in 5 minutes?". Both of the outcomes are fine with me but it give my kids some "control".
While this may not be successful for everyone, we tried it out a few times this weekend and it seemed to work for us.
Comments
Hey, I think I know where your daughter must go to preschool, ha ha. I have a 4th grader there (GLS, right? this is our first year there).
I couldn't agree more with the need to present your kids choices. I learned LONG ago, not to ask open-ended questions like "what do you guys want for dinner?" That question alone is scarey, but throwing it at 3 kids spanning 10 years, you must have a death wish! Instead, I might ask, "Would you guys rather have hamburgers or spaghetti tonight?" they make their choice and if there is a disagreement, the other choice is the next night.
Same thing with outfits. That was a big one for my now-9yo when she was about 5 or 6. We started laying out her outfits the night before, and it was done via my pre-selection. We get out 2 prs of pants (shorts, whatever), and she chooses between them. Then I pick 2 or 3 shirts that go with the bottoms and she chooses between them. That way there are never "many" things to consider.
For me, the occasional power struggles we have now (which are much fewer and far between) are mostly because my 9yo is her daddy's daughter, and they are both stubborn as the day is long. Sometimes my daughter will take the punishment I tell her is coming, rather than give in. Usually that hurts me the most, because I get punished too (i.e. if we were going to go get pedicures, ha ha).
I really think most of these power struggles on their own pass in phases, but they're replaced with something else. Fight over outfits at 6, food at 9, telephone at 12,outfits again at 15 ha ha. Offering them choices is the best way I've found to deal with them. If they don't like the choice, then they can make a new choice: Get a couple choices, or have Mom decide for you? LOL
Good luck Moms!
BINGO!
I've found Love & Logic to be a pretty straight-forward common sense approach to parenting. You can never have too much common sense right?
The clothing thing is already starting with us. Maddie is a month from being 5 and she is a total fashionista. A fashionista that doesn't match 90% of the time but in her eyes it's all good. I finally just stopped fighting with her about it. As long as she isn't wearing a sundress in the middle of winter, I let it go. I like to think she has personality :)
my daughter has a cousin, who is 6, that wears very 'older" clothes. clothes that i wouldnt let haley wear when she is 15 let alone 4, but she gets her cousins hand me downs and tries to wear them, i have to try to go through them first and get the ultra bad ones out, and so that way when she gets dressed she will only have the clothes i would aprove in her drawers to choose from. (i stopped choosing her clothes when she could dress herself, she does OK)