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I am so excited to be sharing my insights about one of my favorite topics, sexual health, as a featured ModMomsClub blogger this month. It seems as if many women in my life are experiencing the countless joys and challenges of motherhood.  There isn't a more important job a woman can have than raising her family.  I know how fulfilling it was in raising my four wonderful kids and it's even more fulfilling to watch them have children of their own.  I am also more aware after my 25 years working in the field of sexual health just how challenging it can be for women and couples to adjust to the impacts a child has in their lives, especially when it comes to their intimate relationships. 

I get asked countless questions from parents. Many ask how new couples can keep the spark alive after having a baby.  I've answered this million dollar question numerous times and have included information in my book, Pure Romance Between the Sheets.  It's important to keep in mind that most of the time, intimacy returns and sex can get even better than it was before giving birth to your baby.  You may just need a little motivation and a few helpful hints from someone who has been there. 

Experts estimate that it can take up to two years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth, and even the pure exhaustion of balancing life as new parents.  An important and easy step to take in regaining your intimate life is to maintain your vaginal health.  Doing regular Kegel exercises, as well as paying attention to your post-baby body, can help you to adjust to the changes you are experiencing.  What you are going through is normal, but know you still need to rediscover your body by experimenting with new foreplay patterns, new positions, and new techniques that are pleasurable.

There are a few key points I think are necessary to maintain a healthy intimate relationship with your partner when you have children:
 

1. The most important aspect is talking to your partner. Let them know that you are interested in intimacy, but that sometimes you might be exhausted or overwhelmed. Make sure to tell your partner that your relationship is a priority and you want to do something to increase its importance in both of your lives. Chances are if you haven't talked to your partner about this topic, he or she may be struggling to express some of the same concerns.

2. Schedule it! Sit down with your partner and a calendar after you have talked about wanting to work on the level of intimacy in your relationship. Mark one day, at least every two weeks, specifically for one another. This is your time together. If you can have someone's help watching the kids, great!  However, don't worry if you can't find or afford a babysitter; as long as your kids have a decent bed time and structured bedtime routine that is all you need.

Many parents have hectic schedules, where sometimes the financial and scheduling concerns of having someone watch the kids can add to your stress level. Here is a plan that has worked for so many parents who can't always have that special night out! On you and your partner's scheduled night, their job is to bring home dinner - it can be something as simple as a pizza, Chinese take-out, or even something fancy. They get to pick and you get to be grateful for not having to cook! 

If you are home with your children, you are not allowed to worry about any household chores or run any errands late in the day. If you are a working mom, don't plan on doing any extra errands on your way home from work. If your scheduled night is Wednesday, make sure to clean and do laundry on Monday and shave your legs on Tuesday. Your scheduled night is about relaxing! Enjoy a glass of wine with your dinner; engage in relaxing and fun conversations with your partner and your children while you enjoy your meal.

Then, after dinner, throw the paper plates in the trash and off you go to get the kids ready for bed! Ask your partner to take care of the bedtime routine so you can take a quick shower and slip into something more comfortable! Or, you can always divide and conquer and share the bedtime responsibilities, so that before long you have the rest of the evening to yourselves. Try to plan on being alone by around 8:30pm, which can leave you with an hour or two to enjoy a nice massage, foreplay and a wonderfully intimate evening all before the evening news!
Some individuals think that scheduling intimacy ruins the anticipation, but I think it gives you plenty of time to get excited about what is in store. You may even find that talking about your scheduled night several days in advance gives you an opportunity to start planning what you might want to try and get excited about the possibilities. Think of it as extended foreplay!

3. Add something new. To maximize your time together, you can always bring in something new. As founder of Pure Romance, I have a few of my favorites from our inventory: the Hot Heart Massager and Burning Desire Candle - this is a hand-sized heart that heats up instantaneously and stays warm for about an hour.  It is great with our soy-based massage oil candle.  Just Like Me or Sweet Seduction lubricant -- these water-based, non-irritating lubricants can help enhance pleasurable sensations, while making up for what Mother Nature, stress or medications may be doing to your body. We also have some other items that can help with arousal and orgasm.

Now, I'd like to hear your questions. Send them to me at askpatty@pureromance.com and include "Questions from One Mom to Another" in your email subject line.

Patty Brisben is CEO and founder of Pure Romance, the nation's fastest-growing in-home direct sales company specializing in relationship enhancement products and intimacy education. Learn more at www.pureromance.com