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The Terrible Two's
1. Stranger anxiety
Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and will occur in some form or another in most children. Stranger anxiety is the distress that young children experience when they are exposed to people who are unfamiliar to them. Infants can begin to experience stranger anxiety as young as six months of age, but it usually becomes evident somewhere between eight and nine months of age. Before this age, most infants accept unfamiliar people without much fuss. But as infants approach eight and nine months of age, they are beginning to realize that all people are not the same, and that the relationship they have with their primary caregivers (parents) is special. They understand how dependable they are to their parents and become much more selective about who they will let hold them, play with them, etc. These special activities are usually reserved for close family members.
The symptoms of stranger anxiety can take many forms; some infants will become very quiet and will stare warily at a stranger, others will cry intensely, and a toddler may try to hide behind a parent standing nearby. Stranger anxiety is thought to peak between 12-15 months, and then begin to decrease in severity. By 3 years of age the stranger anxiety usually disappears and the child can be now dangerously friendly to strangers.
2. Temper tantrums
Temper tantrums are another normal stage in a child’s development. A normal child’s speech is understood half (50%) at 2 years of age and is fully (100%) understood at the age of 4 years. Between 2 and 4 years of age is exactly the time when temper tantrums happen. They come from the frustration that the child experience when he wants to communicate to others and he is not understood. This is why, at the age of 4, miraculously the temper tantrums resolve.
Another reason that toddlers throw temper tantrums is a cry for independence. Toddlers want to be able to do things for themselves. They want to clothe themselves. They want to feed themselves. They want to do a lot of things that their little bodies and growing minds won’t allow them to do. They often become frustrated with their own limitations, and therefore lash out in a temper tantrum.
3. The “terrible two’s”
At 2 years of age the child is in the middle of stranger anxiety and also starts to have temper tantrums. This is the time when some parents seem to be unable to understand their child anymore. Knowing the above presented reasons for these two normal behavioral stages will also bring the solutions.
What Parents Can Do:
a) For the stranger anxiety:
Parents should try not to pressure their children to "be sociable." Forcing children to go to people they don't yet feel comfortable with will likely increase anxiety.
Don't ignore your child's distress. The upset that children feel when they are exposed to unfamiliar people is real. Therefore, this distress should not be shrugged off or ignored by parents. Ignoring this distress can provoke more anxiety and will probably increase clinginess and distress.
Children often need comfort and reassurance from their parents as they go through this developmental phase. Therefore, parents should try to be available to reassure their children when they face new people. Parents should also provide lots of love and affection through both words and gestures (e.g., hugs and kisses).
b) For the temper tantrums
Temper tantrums are almost inevitable. By playing and talking with your child regularly throughout the day, you can help to ward off those outbursts and frustrations. When your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum, you can ignore the behavior. Listen to what she’s saying, but don’t reward it with a response. Avoid making eye contact with the child who is having a temper tantrum. If it is necessary, remove the toddler physically from the situation. If your child is having a mild tantrum, you may be able to redirect his interest to something else before the tantrum gets too intense. Above all, you should not give in to demands that your toddler makes during a tantrum, even if they are reasonable. Later, when she has settled down, you can help her out. Also, be generous with praise when your toddler is not throwing a tantrum.
It is also important to establish limits. You need to be clear with your toddler about the rules of your home. By giving them consistent guidelines, they will remember when it is OK and when it is not OK to behave a certain way. Finally, by treating your child with respect and trying to understand what it is that caused a particular tantrum, you will go a long way in shortening that tantrum and avoiding a tantrum of the same cause in the future.
Try to remember that both stranger anxiety and temper tantrums are normal temporary conditions that will go away naturally. Definitely a child should not be punished for any of these two normal behaviors.
Florin Vlasie, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Board Certified Pediatrician
1425 West H Street, Suite 330 • Oakdale, CA 95361
(209) 848-8133
Now accepting new patients. Most insurances accepted. Late and same day appointments available.
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Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and will occur in some form or another in most children. Stranger anxiety is the distress that young children experience when they are exposed to people who are unfamiliar to them. Infants can begin to experience stranger anxiety as young as six months of age, but it usually becomes evident somewhere between eight and nine months of age. Before this age, most infants accept unfamiliar people without much fuss.
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This is definitely so hard to deal with. Kids at two years old are so hard to deal with. You have to be very careful at this age.
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