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Finding time for me is hard to do.  With two toddlers whose social lives are beyond busy, a household to run, a husband who is active in the community (with me by his side), ministries to serve in and a marriage to keep healthy, it's easy to find that by the end of the day, my feet hurt, my back aches, my hair hasn't been brushed since I got out of the shower and my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier.  

So, how do we make sure that we don't burn out?  How do we balance the needs of others with what our body and soul need?  How do we find time in our busy, hectic, always-on-the-go lives for a little peace and quiet?

Many moms get caught up in the cycle of getting chores done around the house while the kids snooze away because we feel that every minute our kids are awake we must spend engaged with them, constantly serving as a source of entertainment, giving our 100%. 

Let me pose a question, if we schedule our children's every moment and are always engaging them, when do they learn to be self-sufficient, independent, and able to self-entertain?

With the goal of raising my children to not be dependent on me for everything, I've implemented a few strategies from the time my oldest (almost 4) was crawling.

(1) Independent Play Time

Every morning we are home, be it weekday or weekend, my children have a 45 minute - 1 hour independent play time in their rooms.  They may read, play, listen to music, lay on their bed, count the strands of carpet, I don't care.

Rule 1:  No talking to Mom (or Dad if he's home). 

Rule 2:  No leaving the room except to go potty (and then it's straight back). 

We started the training with small amounts of time:  5 minutes for a few days then 10.  We inched our way towards the 1 hour mark slowly but surely, using the baby gate to literally gate them in until they learned to not leave their rooms.  There were times when my children would cry for 10 of the 15 minutes but after a few days, they realized there was a whole closet of toys calling their names, trains to "choo-choo", animals to "moo" and "quack" and books to explore.

Now, they love independent play time.  No siblings stealing toys, no Mom calling for them to clean up this or that.  They can listen to their own music at their leisure and build block towers with out fear of the dog's tail sending them crashing down.  

Mom loves independent play time.  I take a shower in peace.  I check my e-mail.  I make uninterrupted phone calls.  I paint my nails.  Whatever it is that I choose to do, I can do it by myself.  Having these few minutes of gauranteed me time really helps me joyfully devote the rest of my waking hours to my children and my husband.

(2) Nap Time is NOT Chore Time

Children learn by seeing and doing.  How will they learn to share the load of the household duties if those duties are always done while they are asleep?  Sure, my 22 month old can't sweep the floor, but by the time she's 4, she'll be able to take that Swiffer and use it deftly through the house.  My 4-year-old son can clean table tops like no one's business but only because he was shown, taught and invited to participate.

Now, my kids ask me to wait to mop because they want to help.  My son makes his bed every day and my daughter loves getting everything up off the floor so I can vacuum.  They are learning that they are important to our family and that they have special jobs to do to help keep the house clean, organized and a relaxing, fun, inviting place to be.  They love telling Dad about all the things they did around the house - emptying garbage cans, watering plants, changing sheets, scrubbing toilets (yeah, they actually think it's fun!).  

I, then, get to spend nap time doing things that restore my energy,  challenge my brain, and rejuvinate my soul.  Ido my Bible study, I knit, I blog, I nap, I read.  I write encouraging notes to friends, I make those long-distance phone calls, I work in my garden.  I do the crossword, I invite a friend for an ice tea and a chat.  Sometimes, I even just sit and stare out the window for 5 minutes and enjoy gazing upon God's incredible creation.

Teaching our kids to play independently, do chores, and not be dependent on Mom every second takes work, patience and support.  Tell your friends and ask them to help you stay your ground.  Clue your hubby in so he can also encourage you (and your kids) when he's home.  If your kids are used to ruling the roost, they will balk at any change you make but stay strong!  Tell them why you are doing what you're doing - to teach them to be independent, self-sufficient, creative and able people and to give Mom a little time by herself so she can be a better mom throughout the day.  Don't beat around the bush...kids like it when we're honest.

Not every single minute of our day must be scheduled, organized, and executed with precision.  We each need some time every day where we can devote some precious minutes to making sure we are healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually.  When our cup overflows, we are more than able to give to others.

So, send the kids into the backyard, set the timer for 30 minutes and tell them not to bother Mom until the timer goes off (unless it's an emergency, of course).  If your kids say, "I'm bored!"  Remember, creativity is born out of boredom...they'll live (it's only 30 minutes) and be better for it in the long run.  Pour yourself a glass of lemonade, kick your feet up, read a magazine and take a little "me time."