blogs

Gena Kirby and daughter

Oh
man, it’s hard to feel confident choosing products for my children
while being barraged with fear-marketing and dramatic it-will-harm-them
headlines.

Do we really need a hands-free soap dispenser because the push-top on typical dispensers can collect germs? Lysol seems to think so. And what’s up with organizations parenting my parenting? It was a real pain to find a bathtub seat and walker for my youngest child – two items that were must-haves with my boys, now ages 17 and 6.

And
oh goodness, admitting I use those items, happily, subjects me to all
kinds of judgmental looks and comments. But guess what? So what. I’m a
responsible enough parent to know not to leave my baby unattended in
the tub, seat or no seat. And I’m not tempted to put the baby in her
walker where she can tumble down stairs. Even if I had a two-story
home, I still wouldn’t because that’s just common sense.

It
breaks my heart that babies were harmed or killed while using those
products. However, if used appropriately and with the right
supervision, are they still so inheritably dangerous?

That’s not
to say parents shouldn’t be cautious and on alert. There are some
incredibly valid, and detrimental, health issues if your child decides
to snack on lead-paint chips. Really, those are never safe to nosh.

I’m
the first to admit my fear of SIDS and appreciated, and utilized, the
recent suggestions of circulating air with a fan, using a pacifier, and
placing baby on back to slumber. And if the highchair is known to
topple, sorry Graco, that should be taken seriously too. But does that mean because one highchair was designed badly,
we declare all highchairs evil and ban parents from ever purchasing one
again? Do we boycott the company even if they’re behaving swiftly and
responsibly to solve the problem?

I think it’s time to savvy up
to the paranoia and fear-mongering. It’s time to look more at the facts
than the pumped-up sensation and knee-jerk emotional responses provoked.

As a parent, I want the fact-based information so I can make an informed choice. When the uproar over wearing a baby in a sling erupted, and aftershocks rumbled about attachment parenting and co-sleeping, I contacted Gena Kirby, who sits on the Attachment Parenting International Board of Directors, for an interview.

1. What should moms know about Attachment Parenting (AP) and what are the biggest misconceptions?

Attachment
Parenting is summed up best for me by Dr. John Gottman. He says, “The
key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories; elaborate
family rules, or convoluted formulas for behavior. It is based on your
deepest feelings of love and affection for your child and is
demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding.

“Good
parenting begins in your heart, and then continues on a
moment-to-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run
high, when they are sad, angry, or scared. The heart of parenting is
being there in a particular way when it really counts.”

Attachment parenting misconceptions?
One of the biggest is that AP mommies are passive and let their kids do
whatever without discipline. Sometimes they think we are a
by-the-numbers group and we parent exactly the same way.

2. We
hear all about the dangers of co-sleeping and, recently, wearing your
child in a sling. Are there ways moms can do this safely and with
confidence?

Oh yes, babies sleeping by themselves is a
relatively new practice. To put it into perspective, it’s just in the
last hundred years that we’ve started sleeping without our children.
Bed sharing with an infant is healthy and safe in most cases. However,
there are times when parents should use a basinet or crib instead.

I recommend reading Dr. James McKenna’s fantastic book Sleeping with Your Baby. Until then, here are some guidelines of when you should NOT bed share and some safe-sleeping environment tips.

Do not share your bed with an infant if:

• You use alcohol or drugs.
  Using any substances that interfere with your judgment or level of
  consciousness at night will interfere with your ability to be aware of
  your baby. This includes over the counter medication.

• You smoke. A higher risk of SIDS has been associated with parental cigarette smoking and bed sharing.

• You have a poor sleeping surface.
  Sharing sleep with your baby should not be done on a couch, recliner,
  water bed or any location where the infant could become wedged between
  the surface and the parent.
• If your baby sleeps with you:

-- Breastfeed
your baby. Breastfeeding mothers spend more time in lighter stages of
sleep, making them more aware of their baby. They also tend to sleep in
a protective position (with knees bent upward) that prevents baby from
moving down under the covers.

-- Place baby next to mom, rather than between mother and father.

-- Use
approved side rails or bed extenders when placing baby in the family
bed.

-- Fill in any crevice between the bed and walls or furniture with a
rolled up baby blanket or towel. Placing the mattress on the floor
(like a futon) creates the safest possible sleep environment.

-- Only primary caregivers should sleep with an infant. Do not allow baby sitters or older siblings to sleep with the baby.

The following are research-based guidelines that Attachment Parenting International (API) recommends:

-- Place your baby to sleep on her back. This helps protect your baby from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

• -- Choose
  a firm mattress, free of fluffy bedding, bumpers and stuffed animals.
  Never place your baby – or fall asleep with your baby – on a couch,
  recliner, beanbag chair, fold out couch, inflatable bed or water bed to
  sleep.

• -- Keep baby cool. Adjust clothing and room
  temperature to keep baby from overheating. UNICEF recommends a
  temperature of between 60-64 degrees Fahrenheit for night-time sleep.

• Use a fan in the room where baby sleeps to help circulate air and maintain a cooler environment.

Okay onto baby wearing …

I’m
glad you asked this question. There are so many benefits to wearing
your baby in a sling, if you are cautious and use common sense, wearing
your baby will be good for you and your baby.

Baby wearing benefits include:

-- Promotes and strengthens parent’s emotional bond with their baby.

-- Babies cry less when worn or held.

-- Holding helps regulate your baby’s temperature and heart rate.

-- Baby feels more secure.

-- The movement that naturally results from carrying your baby stimulates his neurological development.

Just
be aware, baby wearing is like many other activities: The benefits are
numerous but it is still necessary to follow safe practices.

3. How do you communicate with pediatricians who don’t support, or don’t understand, attachment parenting practices?

If you see a pediatrician that doesn’t support your beliefs as a
parent, I would suggest you seek a new pediatrician. If he/she doesn’t
understand, give them a copy of Attached at the Heart
by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker. The book explains Attachment
Parenting and backs up all Eight Principals with sound science and
evidence.

4. When did you become aware of attachment parenting and become involved in educating parents about it?

After
the birth of our first daughter we began implementing the principals of
Attachment Parenting, only we didn’t know it at the time.

We
felt compelled to have her near us, so the bed sharing and baby wearing
was natural. I wanted to nurse, and so I did. When the baby cried, I
picked her up.  Spanking, or hitting, my daughter was something I knew
I didn’t want to do.

It wasn’t until she was about a year old
that we heard about Attachment Parenting. I can’t tell you how
thrilling it was to know that there were other parents out there that
were doing what we were and it had a name!

We only
started to share what we learned after we opened our store Mommy
Matters in Fresno, California. After so many women asked me, in a
whisper, if I shared a bed with my baby and told me their parenting
decisions weren’t supported by their families, I started writing about
Attachment Parenting. Next thing I knew, I was talking about it the
radio on my own program called Progressive Parenting. Then, I became a
member on the Board of Directors for Attachment Parenting International.

5. Where can moms find more information and support groups?

Parents can find a fantastic support group in their area by going to Attachment Parenting International. Also, there’s Mommy Matters Online for online support and community.

If you are in the Fresno area, there’s also the Yahoo! Group Fresno AP Mommies.

Note:
The information shared is given in good faith, based on Gena’s personal
knowledge and experience. Make sure to discuss the information
presented here with your health care provider.

Gena Kirby’s BIO: 
Gena Kirby is a mother of three girls ages 11 months to 7 years. She is
also a Doula,  La Leche League International Breastfeeding Peer
Counselor and hosts the Mommy Matters Live! television show and
Progressive Parenting radio show, as well as, sits on the Attachment
Parenting International Board of Directors.  She can be reaches on
Twitter, Facebook, MommyMattersOnline.com, or via email at
mommymattersonline@sbcglobal.net

If you live in the Fresno area, stop by Mommy Matters Online Annex located at Ginkgo Tree Yoga.

**************************************

Genevieve Hinson is a social media coordinator for Children's Hospital Central California.
She's also a writer, wife and mom to two boys and a girl. The opinions
she expresses here are her own, as is her obsession for coffee. You can
connect with her at MotherofConfusion.com and twitter.com/motherconfusion.